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Charles Barkley's Ancestry. 10/04/10 Update. Grandma Fairytooth visits! Comments closed :p

Just as last season and the Playoffs, Charles Barkley has yet to find his mother (and a way to stop all those kisses from his many many bearded Grandmothers). Let's just hope that Charlie Villanueva won't be the mother.(Because he already holds the Granny status. That would be incestry, not ancestry. Tsts.)

 

Update: after little over a year and a half, Charles finally found his MOTHER! Let's celebrate! And another one two games later! WTF?!

 

Don't know what this is all about? Commit suicide Follow the jump.

 

As recently as the start of the 2008/9 season, TNT had the grand idea to combine two of their horses in a promo.

 

Since that time, Chuck had plenty of Grannies (scoring 30+ points), but zero  ONE  Two Mother/s (scoring 45+). Poor Happy fat big little kid.

Last year, we averaged one Granny in less than 4 games. Another stat that Rick Carlisle wants to improve on..

Current Ratio:  1: 6.42   disturbingly decreasing.

Anyways, after five games we have our first 2009/10 season Grandmother for Chuck. (List will be updated continuously) Note that Joe One no one is two a few Grannies are taller than 6-7 on this list so far.

 

Grandmother #1, Game 5, Chris Paul with 39 Points in "Chuck, you are sooooo lucky to have me E.J. and Kenny. No i'm not bitchin'! I'm NOT!  $*+!#@µ"

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Look, i'm really not complainin'  ....OK?!!

 

Grandmother #2, Game 14, Monta Ellis with 37 Points & 11 TO's in "48 Minutes of Monta Defense, Baby!"

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I just threw ('em) up!

 

 

Grandmother #3, Game 21, Joe Johnson with 31 Points in  " I'm 38,75% of the team."

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Get low while i get high, Midgets!

 

Grandmother #4, Game 32, Aaron Brooks with 30 Points in "I'm going to go out there and play hard and shoot when I'm open (and once or twice when not)"

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Brook's right foot transcends through the Matrix.

 

 

Grandmother #5, Game 36, Tim Duncan with 31 Points in "Their shooters got hot and we didn't. [ We also sucked somewhat at 4th Q. D ]"

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I still got it.

 

 

Grandmother #6, Game 39, Kevin Durant with 30 Points in "16 Fts and 8 TO - we play Call or Fall!"

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The Line is my rhyme.

 

Grandmother #7, Game 45, Andrew Bogut with 32 Points on 13-14 FG in "Damn, i miss too many shots"

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You think it's going in?

 

 

Mother #1 [of all time. OF ALL TIME!], Game 47, Andre Miller with 52 Points on 22-31 FG, 1-1 from three, 7-8 FTs in "1000 words..."

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Defense? LOL

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Hey this is easy!

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Wait for me, Chuck!

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Charles' reaction after learning of the fact....

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WOOHOO!

 

Mother # 2, Game 49, Monta Ellis with 46 Points on 23 Shots. Only 7 Turnovers in " It was cool that I would hit shots. They were going down. I would have liked to get the win better. It doesn’t matter what I did individually, we lost. That’s what matters to me. The only thing I’m thinking about is trying to find a way that we can get this monkey off our back that goes by the name of Feed-me-Mom. "

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ahhhhhrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhh

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the layupline

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Swish

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Free lane

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I am in Charge...

 

 

Grandmother #8, Game 51, Anthony Morrow with 33 Points in "I’d rather us win the game then me score however many points. 'Xcept when 'many' is more than 45."

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Let me plaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Capt

Does Anthony Morrow have to choke a bitch?

 

 

Grandmother #9, Game 54, Amar'e Stoudemire with 30 Points in ""I felt great, I came out with a lot of intensity from the start. I wanted to set the tone early, both offensively and defensively. Haha, just kidding."

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May i help you up, Sir?

 

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That's how you do it!

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Air Marry me!

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I'm a jumper.

 

 

Grandmother #10, Game 60, Rookie Darren Collison with 35 Points on 15-21 shooting (clinic), 5 Turnovers and teamworst plusminus of -19.

 

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Jump...

 

Capt

 

..shot...

9ce87730397a90bc9c1033df7b7bbfc6-getty-90043761db009_hornets_mavericks_medium

..drive...

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...layup...

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..stepback...

Capt

..blowby..

 

Grandmother #11, Game 64, Derrick Rose with 34 Points on 15-22 FG, 8 Assists, 2 To, 2 PF, 0 Rebounds, Blocks, Steals and zero Defense in "No more candy, Chuck!"

 

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See? I worked on my jumper.

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Float. Est. OF ALL TIME!

Capt

Missed by the Matrix.

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Because Sam Smith is a good author?

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Circus!

Capt

Almost a rebound...almost..

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And lemme tell you one thing, im gonna fight for my right for candy!

 

Grandmother #12, Game 65, Al Jefferson with 36 Points on 15-21 Drinks shooting in  "It was no vacation, I know that."

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On the other hand, have you seen my team?

 

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Tuggin on ma cape? Alrighty..

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Gimme the rock.

Capt

Too easy.

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No chance Eddie. No chance.

 

Grandmother #13, Game 80, Carl 'MF' Landry with 30 Points in "Mjam 2"

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Where are thou, Carl?

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Those were the days....

 

 

Grandmother #14 TBD

.

...

.....

......

Keep in mind though, Chuck won't appreciate if you do let the likes of Chris Kaman, DeShawn Stevenson or, say, Sean May become part of his family. But i would. Because, after all,

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Exactly...

 

Ps: Since Johnnie Mae Mickens recently passed away, let's all take a moment in silence to remember.

R.I.P.

 

 

PPs: After 2 month or so, comments close automatically. The best you can do now is to rec to flag this post. Yowza.

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