SB Nation Dallas Editor's Pick
Charles Barkley's Ancestry 2010/11Edition: 14th Granny Monta! [Warning: Tons of Pics]
by DOH on Apr 3, 2011 8:16 AM CDT
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PrintAlright, last night's game got it started once again....
This clip aired first in 2008. If we take Charles at face value (who wouldn't?), scoring 45 against the Mavs = Mother of Chuck. Scoring 30 against the Mavs = Grandmother of Chuck. Pretty easy, right?
Just a reminder, last year's regular season: 13 Grandmothers, 2 Mothers
Last year's playoffs: = 0 Granny, 0 Mother. Shame on you, Spurs, Shame on you.
The year before, regular season: 23 Grandmothers, 0 Mother; Playoffs: 7 Grandmothers in 10 Games.
Of course, Rick Carlisle is a stats guy and a Defense Guy, too. So he'd like to create fewer Relatives for the Chuckster, mmkaay? € : FAIL. Already 13 14 Grannies and still 6 regular Season-Games left.
This Post may or may not be updated. Depends on you, Tyson.
2010/11 Grandmother #1, Game 14, Kevin Wayne Durant, 32 Points on 12-20 FG, 2-7 3FG, 6-6 FT in a Dallas 111-103 Win in OKC. Second appearance for KDthunderup.
May i respectfully change my pivot foot, Mr. President?
"It's pretty easy to do when you step aside, Tyson."
Not exactly the Two Towers.
Whoops.
All day.
And1.
Want to know what Speed really is?
Special Reminder for Charles
He's mine. Get. your. hands. off.
2010/11 Grandmother #2, Game 15, Emanuel David Ginobili, 31 Points on 9-16 FG, 4-8 3FG, 9-9 FT in a 103-94 Dallas Win in San Antonio. (Notice a pattern?) First Appearance for Manuginobili.
Instant Reaction by Charles
Instant Reaction by Manu
Thanks for the space, Abe.
So good, he wants to score everywhere.
Aaaaah, it hurts, it hurts! Those shiny new pants of his! Aaaaaah!
Batmanu climbs the imaginary stairs to the rim.
Hey i wanted to take a charge.....why are thou behindst me?
Ugh. I just discovered the error in the Matrix.
2010/11 Grandmother #3, Game 23, Deron Michael Williams, 34 Points on 12-22 FG, 2-4 3FG, 8-9 FT in a Dallas 103-97 Win in Dallas. 3rd Cameo for D-Will
William's Reaction upon learning the fact:
How it happend
Bbbbbbbbaaaaaalll!
A planecrash? This is a rough game...
Hm. Maybe i'm not assertive enough. Better start scoring.
FFS, JJB is blowin' by me? ENOUGH!
BAM! Elbow Floater in yo face, Tyson!
"Y'know Jason, i was wonderin'...Have you ever scored 30 on the Mavs? I mean, EVER?" -"Yup."
[Note: there really weren't many pics of D-Will scoring [taken]]
2010/11 Grandmother #4, Game 25, LaMarcus Nurae Aldridge, 35 Points on 14-26 FG, 7-10 FT in a Dallas 103-98 Win in Dallas. First appearance for LMA.
How he'd do it?
Dunks!
Hook shots!
High Jumps! So, yes basically the whole repertoire.
And after that? - Realizing what he has done.
2010/11 Grandmother #5, Game 33, Antawn Cortez Jamison, 35 Points on 14-22 FG, 3-6 3FG, 4-5 FT in a Dallas 104-95 Win in Cleveland. First appearance for the non-tweeter.
How?
With the Left!
And the drive!
But really, mostly with the Left. Aight, DoJo?
Charles' Reaction
" Jamison? This is getting silly. By the way, can anybody help me out of my seat?"
2010/11 Grandmother #6, Game 45, Luis Alberto Scola Balvoa, 30 Points on 14-21 FG, 0-0 3FG, 2-2 FT in a Dallas 111-106 Win in Dallas. First appearance for El LUIFA.
How?
With the Hookshot!
And the Matador Defense!
The tiptoe Layup aint that bad, either!
The Caramba-Scoop.
Teamwork inside the Paint gets it done!
Charles' Reaction
Oh Boy...
2010/11 Grandmother #7, Game 53, Chauncey Ray Billups, 30 Points on 10-19 FG, 5-11 3FG, 5-5 FT in a Dallas 120-121 Loss in Denver. Second appearance for Smooth (if you count the Playoffs)
Everybody calm down, i got this.
Getting to the Rim
I mean really GETTING there...
Too easy, might as well jack up some threes...
2010/11 Grandmother #8, Game 53, Carmelo Kiyan Anthony, 42 Points on 17-25 FG, 5-7 3FG, 3-3 FT in a Dallas 120-121 Loss in Denver. FIFTH appearance for carmeloanthony (if you count the Playoffs)
"Dirk, can i score 40 on you guys?"- "Whatever..." - "Ok"
Loading Grimace-up-Fake v 4.39....
Peja! Haven't seen you in a while. How's your constipation?
Higher! Push me higher, you morans!
Seeing this throat-tattooe is a really good motivation. Thanks Abe!
"This is fun, i wish i could play the Mavs every Game!"
Charles' Reaction
2010/11 Grandmother #9, Game 57, Al Ricardo Jefferson, 30 Points on 11-14 FG, 0-0 3FG (lol), 8-10 FT in a Dallas 118-99 Win in Dallas. Second appearance for the big Ripper.
(via www.joelkimmel.com)
How so?
"This crap was in the scouting report. I still don't believe it, Tyson!"
Isiah Layup.
They give me the jumper all day.
Brian Cardinal Sin! Pleased to meet you again.
Another Layup!
I wish i could play you guys 82 times a season.
Charles' Reaction
"Al Jefferson? - Ugggh."
2010/11 Grandmother #10, Game 65, Amar'e Carsares Stoudemire, 36 Points on 12-27 FG, 0-0 3FG (lol), 12-13 FT in a Dallas 127-109 Win in Dallas. Fun times for Amareisreal.
How so?
Just put your head down...
..get the manual for the bionic powerdunk arm...
...then take the ball..
..shoot it over nonexistant Defense...
..dunk through the same...
Oops!
Take a second in midair to recalibrate..
And start again with the jumper...
...just to dance the night away..
And to drive the point home..
Charles Reaction
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel
For you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
2010/11 Grandmother #11, Game 67, LaMarcus Nurae Aldridge, 30 Points on 13-25 FG, 4-7 FT in a Portland 104-101 Win in Portland. 2nd appearance for LMA.
How did he do it?
Evade the Pimphand = Free Dunk.
Jumping Hookshots all inclusive (flailing legs, scowling Dirk and kneegroining Chandler)
And of course posting up all night long.
€: In video form [apparently timbo got banned and started his own blazersblogcommunity?]
Charles Reaction
2010/11 Grandmother #12, Game 69, William Anthony "Tony" Parker, 33 Points on 14-22 FG, 1-2 3FG, 4-5 FT in a San Antonio 97-91 Win in Dallas. Approx. 56th appearance for tp9network.
How do yo do (it)?
"You know, first i check the ball pressure, fo shu."
"..then i hold my breath magnifiqué.."
"..until i'm past il Presidenté.."
"...jump in the air and make the layup in traffic."
"And then do it again."
"..and again."
"...and again."
"and....you guessed it, again."
"...until the streak hits ten...oh crap, he blocked it, now i have to start again."
Charles Reaction
2010/11 Grandmother #13, Game 71, Anthony Erwin Randolph, Jr., 31 Points on 14-20 FG, 0-0 3FG, 3-3 FT in a Dallas 104-96 Win in Dallas. First Appearance for TheARandolph.
How so?
"There are two ways for athletic forwards to score against the Mavs. One is to go to the Rim..."
"..disregard the French..."
".... and dunk that one home. The other Way is to hit Jumpers, but i think you already know how that looks like."
Charles' Reaction
2010/11 Grandmother #14, Game 76, Monta Ellis., 32 Points on 11-20 FG, 4-8 3FG, 6-6 FT in a Dallas 92-99 Loss in Oakland. First Appearance for Ellis this year..ca 15th overall.
Howdy..
Throwing it down...
...laying it up with a grimace..
..it's not like their backcourt can stop me, haha....
...just doing it for the Kidds.
Charles' Reaction
"I knew that. Doesn't that happen every year?"
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ty, here's a hint
It’s a fanpost, meaning at some point, it will be put off the frontpage, but still show up on the fanposts list right.
Now, if i can encourage blackmail 3 people into recc’ing, it might be on top pretty high on that list.
OFC, makes only sense if there is at least another Granny or Mom for Chucky in the nearby (5 months) Future. Same thing with the Undoing.
But a real Mavsfan wouldn’t want either to happen, right?
:]
"Mais put… Il est fou ce gars!"
go fuck yourself
I adore you.
Managing Editor of MavsMoneyball.com
by LJRotter on Nov 25, 2010 6:07 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
on black friday, i'm thankful that i don't have you buy you, big guy.
the fact that you’re free is the greatest gift of all.
Only two grannys so far? I'm shocked.
Remember to retire Fin's number, Mark.
"I've had people walk out on me before, but not when I was being so charming."
Right now...
Dallas averages 1 Granny every 6.625 Games. Considering the 29 Games left…. we’re on Pace for 12,3 Grandmothers….slightly better than last year, but not much.
"Mais put… Il est fou ce gars!" - French Jesus about Jewish Ice-T
Rec'd
Also, I love the tag usage…I always appreciate stuff being tagged properly
"On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time."
uh oh
SB Nation Dallas Editor’s Pick
Spell of Doom?
"Mais put… Il est fou ce gars!" - French Jesus about Jewish Ice-T
You reley don’t want to know.
"Mais put… Il est fou ce gars!" - French Jesus about Jewish Ice-T
by DOH on Apr 3, 2011 8:20 AM CDT up reply actions
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