Behold, The Dirkiad, an epic recounting of the Mavs' Heroic Journey

Check out this blog, which tells the story of Dirk and the Mavs in the style of the Iliad. It appears to be based on the similarities between Dirk and many of the great heroes of old. Well worth your time as we count down to tip off of Game 6. Full intro to the blog below the jump:

Editors Note: Shortly after attending Game 3 of the NBA finals, the poet Homer, a die-hard Mavs fan, was given a divine revelation: That the loss, bitter though it was, had been foreordained by the gods of Olympus, who looked upon the hero Dirk with favor, yet knew he must be tested and come through the flames of a terrible trial, so that all men down to the last generation may be inspired by his story. Homer returned home that night and started a wordpress blog, so that all with access to broadband may read of Dirk’s heroic journey, in real time, as he strives for the ultimate boon. Forthwith, Part I of the poet’s tale.

Sing, O Muse of loyal hero, the rock, who has seen defeat time and again since he made his way from the outside world of Deutschland. Speak of the trials he faced, the suffering he has seen, the friends and teammates who have aided him, and the glory he has sought to win for his fair city of Dallas. Speak of the betrayal of LeBron, and the reign of the dastardly triumvirate D-Wade has formed. And finally, speak of the band that has come forth to challenge this foe and restore the ideals that once were present in the profession of basketball. The Mavericks.

Speak of the triumphant return of the legendary Kidd, the most cunning of them all, whose guard abilities are worthy of the gods. And of the man Jet, whose clutch shots and crowd-pleasing nature go unmatched. Forget not the man-beast Tyson Chandler, the ultimate big man, nor the shape-shifter they call Matrix, whose skills and tenacity make men tremble. And the little one, Barea, the gunslinger whose scrappiness and quickness leave men baffled. DeShawn, whose power when harnessed shines like Helios. The specialist, Peja, the 3-point hero. Caron, Beaubois, and Haywood, the injured warriors who inspire the team still with their ferocious attitudes. And remember the one they call Custodian, who blinds men with his ability.

But first, speak again of the immovable object, who has remained on the courts of Dallas, who travelled from the East to bring balance back to the sport of basketball.

His story begins 32 years ago, born into a family of renowned athleticism, was the boy whom the people would come to know as Dirk. Blessed by the gods with unmatched skill, though he was teased by his fellow tennis and handball players for his stature, a traumatic childhood event that would lead him to his eventual calling to basketball.

His heroic exploits in the art of basketball in Germany came to be recognized by his eventual mentor, the unorthodox Geschwindner, who would come to mold the boy into a well-rounded player and warrior. Geschwindner knew the boy was destined for greater things, and he spoke, “You must now decide whether you want to play against the best in the world or just stay a local hero in Germany. If you choose latter, we will stop training immediately, because nobody can prevent that anymore. But if you want to play against the best, we have to train on a daily basis.”

The boy, presented with this ultimatum, travelled to the mountains and contemplated for two rotations of Gaia, and spoke, “If I hold out here and I lay siege to German Basketball, then family, friends, and familiarity may comfort me, but if I venture West, my journey home is gone, but my glory never dies.”

And so it began. Training everyday and battling his German counterparts, he became ready to cross the first threshold, though worthy guardians awaited him on his journey to the NBA and would not make it easy for him to gain respect and approval.

Dirk, still in his rowdy teen years, entered the “Hoops Heroes” tournament, a sporting contest held in honor of the goddess Nike. This rite of passage was Dirk’s first encounter with NBA talent, and legends from the Age of Michael and Magic sought to defeat him.

Barkley and Pippen, seasoned warriors, looked to destroy him. But Dirk, the people’s champion, rose to the challenge and outplayed Barkley, staging a grand slam dunk over him. Barkley exclaimed, “The boy is a genius. If he wants to enter the NBA, he can call me.” And so passage was granted to the young Dirk, as he had properly displayed his skill and prowess and his ability to contend in the Association of National Basketball.

Drafted to the glorious Mavs and playing through the snow, wind and rain with them, Dirk had taken the first steps to his ultimate goal. But doubt would soon consume Dirk’s mind, for after his first year entering the Americas and playing a season, he pondered moving back to the land of Germania, for he had suffered his worst statistical season to date. This was due to the greedy king who ruled over the Mavs, Ross Perot II, whose goal was to wring wealth from the Mavs, rather than to pursue glory or victory in their names. Dirk wanted more. He wanted the golden trophy and ring that all athletes strive for. He decided that the NBA was not his path.

But the fates had a different plan for Dirk, and sent one man to turn the tide: Cuban. A mysterious figure who had traveled to the land of Dallas disguised as a simple fan, he soon revealed his true supernatural powers by journeying deep into Dot-Com, a giant bubble that lured men to their deaths by hypnotizing them with illusory visions of wealth. Scores of thousands of men were crushed when the enchanted bubble collapsed, yet Cuban used preternatural cunning and guile to escape from the bubble’s hungry maw with magnificent treasures.

Now possessed of a vast fortune, Cuban revealed his true nature, a man like a god, born of a freaky liaison between Zeus and Bea Arthur. Cuban vanquished the wicked Perot II and offered a new agenda to Dirk. His words had wings as he said, “Boy, your destiny lies not in the land of your ancestors, land of great warriors such as Arminius and Detlef Schempf. Stay with me and I promise, we shall bring glory upon Dallas and its inhabitants, cementing ourselves in the records for eternity.” And so Dirk’s destiny was drawn, and he would continue on the quest he set out to achieve.

The battles raged on, and the Mavs suffered hardships and defeat, with the devastating loss of the warrior and close friend of Dirk’s, known as Nash. Even though Nash returned from the underworld and exacted vengeance as the leader of a team of fiery ghosts known as the Suns of Less Than Seven Seconds, that is a tale for another time. The disheartened Mavs forged ahead, and eventually made it for the first time to the NBA Finals in the year 2006.

There, they would stand off against the deadly players of the Miami Heat, the most formidable of which was the young D-Wade, still pure and not yet corrupted. The Mavs struck true, gaining the 2-0 advantage, but would soon realize they had not embarked on the road to victory, but entered into the belly of the whale. For the Heat unleashed blow after blow, making a comeback blessed by Zeus himself, and aided by the Whistling Furies. The walls closed in on the Mavs, and defeat consumed the horizon. D-Wade would take the trophy that year, and Dirk and his Mavs would have to make the long journey home, beaten and stripped of their glory.

And so began their road of trials

Read the rest of the story here.

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