Looking back, Eddy Curry might have been the first sign that this season was doomed. Indeed, it was probably smelling the horrible whiff of things to come that led Mavs twitter into an absolute frenzy about this signing far out of proportion for how bad it was. This wasn't strange because Curry would be worth anything to anyone, it's that the Mavs didn't have to let anyone go to pick him up (although there was a sense that the Mavs had dumped Delonte for Curry, fairly or unfairly). So, okay, they added a horrible player they didn't have to play to a bunch of guys they already had-who cares?
Mavstwitter did. And why? Because in it was the sound of a thousand Mavs seasons burning.
On the other hand, as a Mavs writer, it let me work in cheeseburger jokes into literally every column during his brief tenure here, and for that we thank him.
Curry's line as a Maverick? 2 games played, 0 games stated, 25 minutes, 4-8 for 9 points, 4 rebounds, 7 personal fouls.
I'm old enough to remember a Sports Illustrated cover from years and years ago, showing a young Eddy Curry and Tyson Chandler with the tag line "The Baby Bulls". Possibly, the Mavs did too and figured, close enough.
Since Eddy Curry was exactly as advertised, a center with a decent scoring touch and zero rebounding talent, the Mavericks figured they'd turn instead to Troy "Goofy Face" Murphy. As recently as 2009-2019, Murph had averaged 14.6 and 10.2 before a back injury robbed him o f his abilities. And although backs don't tend to get better with age, just ask-well any of your older MMB writers, I'd suspect-as recently as 2011-2012, Murph had shot 42 percent from three for the Lakers. And you know that the Mavs, despite always losing rebounding battles forever, love stretch bigs so much that they would marry them if man-player-type marriages were legal in Texas.
Unfortunately, Murph left most of his shooting touch in LA, where it was living in a small apartment with Dwight Howard's dignity, bussing tables and trying to break out in Hollywood. He went 10 for his first 28 as a Maverick. There were good times-he hit 3-5, 2-5, 3-6 and 4-7 in his next four games-but soon it was back to bad times, as he went 2 for his last 10.
Murph, too, was more or less as advertised, performing much better on the glass than many had suspect, going for 5 or more in 6 of his 14 games here, despite limited minutes. But of course, Murph had to be sent off to the glue factory to make room for the next guy on this list.
Body Count: 14 games, 1 start, 256 minutes, 36% from the floor, 31% from three, 3.5 boards a game, 4.6 points.
If Eddy Curry made Mavs twitter go ape poop, Derek Fisher's signing made them go some other larger kind of poop. Part of it was that Derek Fisher was a hated Laker. Part of it was that Fish, while only ever a marginally talented player, had grabbed five rings while our guy, our hero, had to sweat and bleed to finally, impossibly, win one.
Most of it was that Derek Fisher doesn't do anything. He was never too good at anything, but now he's not good at anything, which is an important distinction. I have in my archives an email from J-Bowe, responding to the day we all found out Derek Fisher would be our starting PG. It goes like this:
"WHAT THE #(#*ING @#$#@ *#@( BALLS *(#@ DICK IS THIS". But without the symbols.
The sad news? Fish probably would have been a Maverick for the rest of the season, if he'd wanted to. He averaged a pretty-impressive-for-a-terrible-player 8.6 points and a pretty-horrible-for-a-starting-point-guard 3.4 assists, and that was good enough for Rick Carlisle who started him every game he played as a Maverick.
Then he missed his family, but after satisfying that desire by actually spending time with his apparently horrible family for a little bit, re-signed with the Thunder and has never to my knowledge addressed the fact that he is a lying sack of J-Bowe email. Not that I care that much, I mean, the alternative would be watching Derek Fisher continue to start for the Mavs.
No hard feelings D-Fish. I hope you get that ring, after all these...wait he has FIVE OF THEM?
Body Count: 9 games, 9 starts, 25.4 minutes a game, 35% from the field, 44% from the arc, 8.6-3.4.
Mike James plays like a botched execution. Occasionally, he makes a shot. Often, since Rick only plays him in crunch time, when that shot goes in, it's a big shot which is I guess part of Rick's plan to convince us that Mike James isn't to basketball what Nick Cage is to understated performances. It's not going to work, since James plays like a fart that grew legs. He has no idea where to be, or who should have the ball when, and all the stuff that veteran players are supposed to be good at is stuff that James wasn't good at even in his prime.
We are not only likely stuck with James for the rest of the season, unless he dies of old age, he'll likely feature heavily in Rick's continuing effort to completely destroy Darren Collison's will to live, and if at all possible, to make Roddy, who may or may not be better than Mike but unlike Mike could actually get better, spontaneously combust.
Mike James is forever.
Body count: 21 games (has it only been 21 games?), 11.9 minutes played, THIRTY PERCENT SHOOTING, TWENTY SEVEN PERCENT FROM THREE, 1.7 ASSISTS, 3.5 POINTS, 69% FROM THE FREE THROW LINE, FOREVER, FOREVER, FOREVER.
Honorable Mention: Chris Douglas-Roberts,6 games, 10.5 minutes per, 2.8 points, .8 rebounds, 36% shooting.