Mavs fans! I hope you've recovered from finishing the season early. What's that? You haven't recovered at all? You're still annoyed with the way things turned out? Well me too. Unfortunately, we still have weeks before anything of substance happens. That means it's time for everyone's favorite past time: pointless speculation!
But you aren't going to get puppies and sunshine from me, no, no, no! I decided to take a look at the draft and free agent class and determine the worst possible fits for the Dallas Mavericks. What players don't fit at all? It could be play style, attitude, off court issues, anything. We've been blessed for years with players who've more or less adhered to the culture established by the Mavericks (it's why Lamar Odom acting like Lamar Odom was so upsetting). So even though we were treated to gems like THIS during the season it's important to remember that things can get much more frustrating. First we'll take a look at who would be a horrible draft pick for Dallas and then go position by position in free agency, looking at why a player wouldn't fit in Dallas, and occasionally why it might be secretly hilarious if the front office signs him. All of this is my extremely biased take the situation.
Kelly Olynyk, F/C Gonzaga - Only one mock draft really floored me. DraftExpress has Dallas taking him at pick 13. My thoughts: No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.
Nate Robinson - I assume Darren Collison will be leaving us since he's convinced he can start for half the teams in the league. I'm not sure what league he's referring to but it's time to find another back up point guard. Anyway, Robinson would be a riot in Dallas. He plays hard, but he also has very little idea of his limitations on a basketball court. Watching him try to run the Carlisle offense would be incredible, but we were treated to such bleh point guard play this season it can't possibly get worse. Or maybe it can.
Chauncey Billups - Remember those times Mike James took the game winning shot? Imagine that times 1000. He'd be a fine guy off the bench, heck, he is right now in Los Angeles, but with Dallas he'd have to assume a bigger role than his current level of play would provide. A bad match for all parties.
Mike James - Too soon? It's never too soon for a Mike James joke. Never forget.
J.R. Smith - I need this to happen, purely for the sake of comedy. Make no mistake, the current 6th man of the year is immensely talented. He's also insane. I actually think Carlisle might be able to build on the excellent work Knick's coach Mike Woodson did with Smith this year, but still, the thought of angry Carlisle after a baffling shot attempt might be too much for our coach to handle. I mean, he was boggled by Collison, so I assume J.R. might be too complex a puzzle for our man Rick.
Still though, the "Who shot? J.R.!" joke possibilities intrigue me.
Nick Young - Anyone that is able to do this might cause heart attacks in Dallas. I was at this game. It was amazing in person.
Josh Smith - If you noticed this season, a large portion of the Maverick offense was geared towards getting mid range shots for Dirk Nowitzki and O.J. Mayo. You know who the worst mid range shooter in the league is? Josh Smith. He's also a tad mercurial in terms of attitude. So he'd be a terrible fit. I can't wait for Dallas to sign him.
Andray Blatche - He's grown up some during his year with the Nets. He is also planning on repeatedly signing cheap contracts so the Wizards have to pay the entirety of his deal he signed prior getting amnestied by those same Wizards. So he's not exactly a mature guy. Uber talented, but the fit wouldn't be there.
J.J. Hickson - Imagine a smaller, worse Chris Kaman, and there you are. Please do not throw his stats at me. There's a reason he bounces from team to team to team. His stats are good, he actively hurts his team while playing. So no thank you.
Andrew Bynum - It's annoying to have him here because I actually want Dallas to sign him (and J.R. Smith). When healthy he's the best two way center in the game if he feels like playing basketball. But even if you can move past his health, it's hard to get behind signing a guy who doesn't seem to like to play the game very much. The comedic potential of him and Smith being on the same team is off the charts though, so I am not so secretly endorsing this move.
Byron Mullins - This is the guy we traded away for Roddy B. And he turned out to be the better player. AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH. Anyway, he sees himself as a much better player than he is. Again, we dealt with that this year with Kaman. Pass.
Samuel Dalembert - I suppose I could live with this for a season, but defensive minded centers over the age of 30 scare me. We all remember what happened to Dampier as he got older. It wasn't pretty.
Tiago Splitter - I'm torn here. I love his play, but I can't help but wonder how much of his offense is due to Tony Parker. Defensively he's been sharing a front court with an all time best defensive player in Tim Duncan. It's a big risk.
Where am I dead wrong? Did I leave anyone off the list? Give me your thoughts!