Welcome to a new Mavs Moneyball feature! "You Read That Wrong", a humorous look at recent Mavs news.
The Following is Satire. It is the Most Satire-y Satire that ever Satired. Please don't call your congressman.
"People don’t understand that hunting is about respect," Kaman said. "You gotta enter their world, you have to…wait, shhh shh shhh."
He then climbed into a locker and stood very still, as Dirk came into the room. Dirk reportedly glanced at him, shook his head, and walked out.
"Wow, that was close," Kaman said, stepping down. "Did you see how beautiful he was? Seven footer, easy. But so graceful."
Reports have placed Kaman spending parts of practice lying underneath the bleachers with a pair of binoculars, walking around the AAC with a camouflage painted face and even sitting in a duck blind outside of Dirk’s Highland Park home in the cold, misty dawn.
"You don’t just shoot an animal like Dirk," the 7 foot center with the world’s worst haircut confided to reporters. "Too rare a creature. You track him, you learn his habits. A guy that tall who can shoot that well? That’s like Bigfoot. Though, between you and me, I could have bagged Bigfoot any time I wanted."
Kaman was apparently referring to (Clippers' team-mate) Drew Gooden.
While the rest of the team spent the Europe trip engaging in such team building activities as playing cards, and having dinner together, reports indicate that Kaman spent most of the plane ride waiting by the bathroom, trying to collect a sample.
"My daddy always said that if you want to get to know somebody you gotta walk a mile in their hoofprints," Kaman said. "Then shoot them."