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A Breakdown of O.J. Mayo's Awesome Twitter Bio

This may look like Mayo is blowing a three-horn, but he's actually blowing the smoke off his three-shooter. Duh.
This may look like Mayo is blowing a three-horn, but he's actually blowing the smoke off his three-shooter. Duh.

New Maverick guard O.J. Mayo is pretty good at this Twitter thing. Since he started his account back in November of last year, he's pretty much gone through the checklist of a succesful athlete Twitter page:

  1. Engage with the fans, occasionally giving them cool stuff? Check.
  2. Send out inspirational messages? Check.
  3. Rally the fan base when times are going good for the team? Check.
  4. Offer an apology after an embarrassing incident? Check.
In fact, it seems the only thing Mayo is missing is tweeting a song lyric at 2:30 a.m. Come on, O.J. Get cracking.

But, that little overlook can be forgiven when you gaze upon one of the most glorious Twitter bio's in the history of Twitter:
A Dallas Mavericks Gun SlingIing GUARD Texas Style!!! #MFFL IM 'DOC HOLIDA' AND IM PLAYIN WITH 'WILD DIRK'!!
Wow. Let's just dive right in, shall we?
  • It appears Mayo has fully bought into the Texan-wild west stereotype, declaring himself a "Gun Slinging GUARD Texas Style!!!" Also, what other styles of gun-slinger are there? I'd bet that Texas style is the best, but I guess California style and Arizona style would also be right there on the list. I'd imagine New Mexico style is pretty shitty.
  • Mayo also proves the stereotype that most people who don't live in Texas think Texas is all about "ROOTIN TOOTIN HORSES COWBOY HATS BOOTS FARMS WOO WEE." That's fair to think in some regards (we Texans really, really love our cowboy boots) but Mayo's idea of a Texas town probably resembles this, when actually, it's this or even this.
  • It's nice to know Mayo already understands what "MFFL" is.
  • And last but not least, we get to the best part: "IM 'DOC HOLIDA' AND IM PLAYIN WITH 'WILD DIRK'!!" Wow. Hopefully what this means is that Mayo is fond of the wonderful movie "Tombstone" or he has a weird wild, wild west knowledge. Either way, it's incredibly awesome.
  • I really, really hope that "WILD DIRK" is just a pun off of Wyatt Earp. Because then it is the best pun ever.
  • Also, I like how Mayo goes with "DOC HOLIDA." When I see it spelled like that, I imagine he's a character in a 1980s B-Move called "Wild West in Da Hood." Actually, I think they already made that movie.
  • First person to Photoshop this picture with Mayo's head on Doc's body (the right) and Dirk's on Wyatt's (the left) while keeping their hats on, I will award you all the points the Internet has to offer.