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Fan Fiction Friday: NBA High School

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Gym period of high school. NBA high school, of course.

USA TODAY Sports

Fan Fiction Announcement! As the season gets close we're going to have more actual news and it doesn't seem right cluttering up the page every Friday with benign nonsense. Therefore, I will be scaling back to once every two or three weeks. Enjoy!

The door of the gym at NBA High School banged open and Dirk Nowitzki galloped through. At 6'10 and 140 pounds, the gust of wind from the door closing almost knocked him over.

"Guys!" he said. "Guess who's got a date for prom!?"

"You do not," Dalembert said, tossing a basketball lightly into the air.

"No way your skinny ass gets a date and I don't," Harris said.

"Whatever man, I got like 6 dates," Marion said, his face brimming with a summer harvest of acne.

"Guess who?" Dirk said, his nervous energy making him look like a bundle of sticks poorly tied together. "Cindy!"

"No wayyyyyyyyyyyy".

"5 dates," Marion said.

"Hey man, good for you," Monta said. "Monta is proud of you." He handed Dirk a rubber.

"Duuuuuuuuuddddddeeeeeeeeee" the guys groaned.

In the humid aftermath of a shootaround session, the room had the air of a bunch of young men who hadn't quite mastered the art of deodorant. They clearly felt at home here, in this sticky jungle. There were certain signs they had harder times elsewhere.

"I'm going to get a date," Jose said suddenly. "Way hotter than Cindy. You'll see."

The guys laughed.

"What?"

"Jose, you completely freak out whenever a girl talks to you. I've seen you skip lunch because a cute girl said hi to you and you had to go walk it off."

"I do not! That never happened!"

"Here you go, Jose, from Monta," Monta said, handing him a rubber. Jose's face turned scarlet and he left the gym. The gang burst out laughing.

Suddenly, a figure burst from behind a pile of wrestling mats, screamed "CINDY IS MINE, DIRK. YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS", and ran off. It was Mike James.

"Man, who was that 900 year old dude?" Dirk said.

"And how long was he hiding back there?" Devin said.

Marion, the only one with a cell phone, suddenly checked his pocket. "Four dates," he said.