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Four-Pointer: Previewing the San Antonio Spurs

Clasp your hands together and pray.

Jonathan Daniel

IT'S THE PLAYOFF FOUR-POINTER! LIKE, ZOMG! MUCH PLAYOFF! SO DIRK! WOW!

Wait, the Mavericks are playing the Spurs? They don't match-up well against them at all. Do the Mavs even play defense? But...playoffs, right? I mean, that's really cool. They didn't get there last season despite Darren Collison being a badass. PUJIT for days! So, yeah, PLAYOFFS...!!

What have the Spurs done lately?

/weeps uncontrollably

/pauses

/continues to weep

What stat, player or fact might surprise you about San Antonio?

You know Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here?" Well, the Spurs traded ghosts for heroes, trees for hot ashes, cool breezes for hot air (Their shooting, obviously. Keep up.), and they certainly exchanged their lead role in a cage for a walk on part in the war. The war, of course, being the playoffs.

Which Spurs player might be due for a big game?

There have only been a handful (a whole lot) of Frenchmen I have ever cared for (no, seriously, France has a wonderful history). Tony Parker does not exist in that realm. Unfortunately, he exists in the NBA. /weeps more

What do the Mavs need to do to be successful against the Spurs?

Last time the Spurs were in town, I stood like two feet from Gregg Popovich during his post game presser. I shoved my basic ass phone in his face as he spoke. Cool, right? NO! IT WAS TERRIFYING! Anyway, he said the Spurs changed nothing from half to half. He was lying. They changed things. I'm not smart enough to tell you what they did. Read "Hal" Brown's stuff for that.

The Mavs need to be like that Mio commercial on NBA League Pass and CHANGE EVERYTHING! Well, not Dirk and those Harris to Wright lobs. BUT EVERYTHING ELSE! THIS IS ONLY COACH IN THE NBA BETTER THAN CARLISLE! THE. ONLY. DAMN. ONE.

Recommended pregame listening:

Ralph and Florian - Kraftwerk

Hey, gang, the Four-Pointer will change game to game and be focused more on what the Mavs need to do/change after the previous game.

Also, Collison will go farther in the playoffs than the Mavs. HOT SPORTS TAKE.