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Club Analysis: the Chandler Parsons offer sheet signing

Chandler Parsons was caught on camera signing an offer sheet from the Mavericks while in a club Thursday night. What can we glean from his surroundings?

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The information age has brought with it an untold number of benefits to contemporary society. We now have the ability to access knowledge and entertainment almost instantaneously with the swipe of a finger, not to mention the ability to take photos and video and share them instantly with countless others. It really is quite remarkable. Unfortunately, the club that Mark Cuban met Chandler Parsons in last night so that Parsons could sign the Mavericks' offer sheet is far from remarkable.

What jumps out first is just how obnoxious the music is. It is stereotypical house garbage with an "umph umph" beat. Any child with Ableton Live could come up with something more original. The music also leads one to believe that they aren't in Houston. If they were, you would assume that the club DJ would be bangin' Screw. Of course, there is a real possibility that not everyone in Houston listens to DJ Screw. I just haven't found that person yet.

Parsons is widely thought of as one of the most underpaid players in the NBA. According to, he has made just over $2.6 million during his career. That's not a lot for an NBA player of his caliber and may explain why he is in a club with no dress code. Every one is in t-shirts. I expect that from Cuban. That's what he does. But c'mon, this club needs to have some standards. Even the club that recently hosted a party with Monta Ellis and Josh Howard has a strict dress code. It says so next to the door.

At one point in the video, Parsons is seen drinking out of a clear plastic cup. Okay, these are ubiquitous at bars and clubs because the ownership doesn't want to deal with drunk people breaking glasses everywhere. Can't really hate on that. But this dude is signing an offer sheet worth over $45 million for the next three years. He's about to get paid! Ditch the plastic cup, Chandler. Get a bottle and post up at a table. But wait, it doesn't look like this is the kind of place with bottle service and private tables. People, in t-shirts, are swarming him and there are blue lit liquor bottles on the wall, after all.

Tacky lighting to show off mid-grade (just guessing) liquor usually means one thing: this place serves Bud Light Platinum. No one should ever go to a club that serves Bud Light Platinum. Ever. Hell, there's probably a hookah in the club. /groan

Parsons is about to get paid. Whether the Mavericks get him or the Rockets match the offer is anyone's guess at this point. Hopefully, once the cash starts flowing in, Parsons can up his club game a little bit. If you're going to step out, do so with a little class and avoid the $30,000 millionaires. The Internet is watching.