Chandler Parsons has been a Maverick for about a week now. For a majority of the Mavs kingdom, that's a wonderful, wonderful thing. Dallas finally landed a player in free agency they actually wanted, when many (myself included) thought they were going to go down the same disappointing path again.
But for the three days in which Houston had time to mull over matching Parsons offer sheet from the Mavericks, it was hell. It was chaos. It was basketball Twitter in all its glory.
We've been caught up with Chandler Parsons on the Mavericks roster, but let's not forget those three days that happened before it became official. This is the story of how Chandler Parsons became a Maverick.
AND WE'RE OFF
BOOM. RT @WojYahooNBA Chandler Parsons is finalizing a three-year, $46 million offer sheet with Dallas, league source tells Yahoo Sports.— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 9, 2014
After hearing whispers of the Mavs being interested in signing Parsons to an offer-sheet, we get a nice old-fashioned #WOJBOMB to start the madness. There were some talks about a potential sign and trade, but little did we know the hell we were about to go through.
WHEELING AND DEALING CUBES IS MY FAVORITE
There is no better version of Mark Cuban than wheeling-and-dealing Mark Cuban. The Cuban that doesn't give a f*ck and just goes out and signs guys in night clubs. It felt like watching a neutered puppy the last two summers as Cuban had to hoard cap space for Dwight Howard and Deron Williams. This was like a giant middle finger to the Rockets and I ate up every bit of it. It was good to see the old Cubes back.
Even if Houston matches, this flaunting of the signing of Parsons is so, so, so, great.— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 10, 2014
HAPPINESS LEADING TO DEPRESSION
On the morning of Friday, July 11, LeBron James announced he was going back to Cleveland. At first, this was thought to be a victory for the Mavs and Parsons, because we assumed that Houston was going to then sign Chris Bosh and then they wouldn't dare match Parsons. Except...
Rockets' goal is Chris Bosh and Chandler Parsons, would match offer sheet if can get both http://t.co/6PZUo5MzNV— Jonathan Feigen (@Jonathan_Feigen) July 10, 2014
Shit. Houston was going to have a super team, a starting five of Patrick Beverly, James Harden, Chandler Parsons, Chris Bosh and Dwight Howard. The West would be swung toward Houston's favor, the Mavs would have to scramble for a Plan B and meekly try to earn another low playoff seed as Dirk continued to age. It was a damn nightmare.
That's when the depression kicked in.
I'm so sad. Totally bought into Parsons and tried to stay positive.— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 11, 2014
This Mavs offseason has taken 5 years off my life. "YES TYSON CHANDLER! NO MOVE ON FROM MELO! YES PARSONS! NOOOOO PARSONS!"— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 11, 2014
But alas, there was some hope that Friday afternoon.
Miami has offered Bosh the full five-year max deal to stay, per sources. Bosh hasn't decided between that & Houston's four-year max offer.— David Aldridge (@daldridgetnt) July 11, 2014
Would Chris Bosh actually take more money to stay in Miami without LeBron? There was almost zero chatter of that scenario while LeBron was making his decision. Almost every outlet reported that Bosh would almost certainly high-tail it to Houston if LeBron went back to Cleveland.
Suddenly, every Mavericks fan was a Heat fan for about three hours.
I'm all... pic.twitter.com/OIbha23Or6— Jason Gallagher (@jga41agher) July 11, 2014
OH NO, SORRY ABOUT THAT HOUSTON
HAHAHA RT @WojYahooNBA Chris Bosh is finalizing an agreement to return to Miami on a five-year, $118M deal, league sources tell Yahoo Sports— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 11, 2014
I remember I was just sitting at home, refreshing Twitter aimlessly and not doing anything remotely productive when that #WOJBOM scrolled across my timeline. I can't remember ever feeling so happy for the Miami Heat to do anything, but there I was, silently fist-pumping by myself on a Friday evening.
And then the jokes started flowing.
Sorry, Daryl. Your super team is in another castle.— Dan Devine (@YourManDevine) July 11, 2014
A FIRE RISES
Suddenly, it seemed very possible that Parsons could be a Mav. Why would Houston spend so much resources on bringing Parsons back without Bosh in tow? We weren't totally sure, but we had hope. We had a dream.
I DREAMED A DREAM IN TIME GONE BY WHEN HOPE WAS HIGH AND LIFE WORTH LIVING.— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 11, 2014
Even reporters were giving us just the tiniest bit of hope.
Meanwhile in Houston, I'm told the Rockets have not made up their minds on whether or not to match Dallas' offer sheet on Chandler Parsons— Sam Amick (@sam_amick) July 11, 2014
After the Bosh news, Vince Carter agreed to a deal with the Grizzles late in the night. The 3-year, $12M deal was much more than the Mavs $2.7 room exception and Carter took the better deal to essentially do the exact same thing he did for Dallas for the Grizz. We were sad.
But then there were whispers that Mike Miller could be Carter's replacement. Miller AND Parsons? We swooned.
If Mike Miller and Parsons somehow became Mavs it would be like Mark Cuban was building Dallas just to be my irrationally favorite team— Hal Brown (@HalBrownNBA) July 12, 2014
OUR BOSS WAS JUST A GIANT NEGATIVE NANCY
I still think Houston matches, though. Haven't changed my stance there.— Tim Cato (@tim_cato) July 10, 2014
(He also got swept up in the giddy excitement of Parsons, don't worry.)
SO TREVOR ARIZA SORT OF DROVE ME INSANE
On Saturday, news broke that the Rockets had agreed to a four year, $32M deal with small forward Trevor Ariza. Ariza plays the same position as Parsons and although it would seem RIDICULOUS for the Rockets to match after the signing, national reporters were still saying Houston might still match.
That was my breaking point.
Still trying to figure out: why would Ariza take less money AND play out of position/potentially less minutes? (If Parsons matched)— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 13, 2014
What was the pitch to Ariza? "We're gonna pay you less money than Dallas, you might come off the bench and/or guard power forwards."— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 13, 2014
Like I totally get why Houston still matches on Parsons. I DON'T get why Ariza decided that's the best situation for him.— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 13, 2014
Ariza is not Ray Allen, Vince Carter or Shane Battier. He's a 28-year old role player with the chance for the BIGGEST PAYDAY of his career.— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 13, 2014
HOU got bounced from the first round partly because they couldn't find a way to guard LaMarcus Aldridge other than Dwight. SO LET'S GO SMALL— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 13, 2014
There is zero basketball reason that makes sense for Ariza signing + Parsons match. A marginal improvememt for $8M?— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 13, 2014
Ariza is going to be 33 at the end of this new contract. This was his last chance for his biggest payday and he doesn't even wait on Dallas?— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 13, 2014
If HOU matches on Parsons, it means HOU either lied to Ariza about their Parsons plans, Dallas wouldn't go higher than $8M or Ariza is dumb.— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 13, 2014
Remember this? Ariza was told something. Was it that Houston is not matching or Dallas not offering more than $8M? pic.twitter.com/jAQVJCKSPG— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 13, 2014
I spent almost all of my Saturday night going through the Ariza/Parsons ordeal in my head and just tweeting out everything I thought. My friends hated me. We even went out to a cool foot golf course (where you kick soccer balls on a golf course into gigantic soccer-ball sized golf holes). One friend had a snap chat of me glued to my phone, aimlessly dribbling my soccer ball around the course.
I was a mess.
And I was getting worse.
"MADNESS IS THE EMERGENCY EXIT. YOU CAN JUST STEP OUTSIDE AND CLOSE THE DOOR ON ALL THOSE DREADFUL THINGS THAT HAPPENED. YOU CAN LOCK THEM ALL AWAY...FOREVER."
@memoseley21 I already am— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 13, 2014
Then, Luol Deng signed a 2-year, $20M deal on Sunday afternoon, with the Parsons deadline merely hours away.
WHY WOULDN'T DENG WAIT 9 FUCKING HOURS TO SEE IF HE COULD GET $11-12M FROM DALLAS. SOMETHING IS FISHY.— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 13, 2014
I was losing it. I felt my logic was sound. Why the hell would all the remaining free agent SFs not wait for the Parsons decision and see what they could get from Dallas?
The darkness crept in....
If Houston matches Parsons, the SF market for the Mavs appears to be Lance and Marion. This is the saddest sentence I've ever written.— Tim Cato (@tim_cato) July 13, 2014
IF THIS ENDS UP WITH DALLAS TELLING ARIZA AND DENG THEY WOULDN'T GO HIGHER THAN $8M I WILL LOSE MY FUCKING MIND.— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 13, 2014
...but we still tried to fight the good fight.
The 2 best unrestricted FAs, both of whom said they would wait on Dallas, took less $ than they could've gotten while not waiting on Dallas— Bailey Rogers (@BRogers789) July 13, 2014
Say whatever you want about assets etc, it makes zero sense for these SF FAs to sign without their biggest audience present unless they know— MikeMarshall (@machinesports) July 13, 2014
"Nah, I'm good taking less than I want. Dallas never overspends on mid-tier guys anyway." -- Deng and Ariza, apparently.— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 13, 2014
Of course, resident curmudgeon Kirk had to chime in.
Only 11 hours and 32 more minutes until the Rockets stick a fork in the Maverick offseason.— Kirk (@KirkSeriousFace) July 13, 2014
Then, word came down that the Mavs and Richard Jefferson had agreed to the veteran's minimum. We pretty much all ignored the veteran's minimum part at first and let the potential of "AND NOW, STARTING AT FORWARD...RICHARD JEFFERSON!" creep into our minds.
"@ESPNSteinLine: Dallas Mavericks are signing Richard Jefferson, ESPN has learned" >> this is no time for funny jokes, Mark.— Bob Sturm (@SportsSturm) July 13, 2014
Mavs fans on verge of full-on revolt in about 7 hours.— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 13, 2014
Sometime late in the afternoon (or early in the evening) on Sunday, there was one more #WOJBOMB: Houston would not match and Chandler Parsons would become a Maverick.
It was such a sweet feeling that most of the tweets during this time featured expletives from me so I won't share them. I will tell you I was in a bar playing darts when the news broke and I proceeded to prance around the bar, almost moved to tears when I heard.
Now let us bask in the sweet aroma of relief.
Time for @mcuban to hit Morey with the text to see if they want to deal Dwight.— Bob Sturm (@SportsSturm) July 13, 2014
.@dmorey remember when everyone thought you were really good at your job and I was all man I don't know what has this guy really done— Jake Kemp (@NotJackKemp) July 13, 2014
I wish I could hug everyone from the @mavsmoneyball staff right now. And everyone else. Let's hug it out.— Josh Bowe (@Boweman55) July 13, 2014
HELLLLLLLLLO DALLAS #MFFL— Chandler Parsons (@ChandlerParsons) July 13, 2014
It was all so crazy. I can't remember a Mavs off-season quite like this one. Then again, imagine if Twitter existed during Steve Nash's free agency *shivers* I honestly won't forget this summer though. What a wild ride. Madness is exhausting.