clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Building a Dallas Mavericks roster with dogs because why not

The headline is self-explanatory.

Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

It's the offseason. This article is justified. And it gives you an excuse to look at dog photos.

PG: Emily


STATS | Owner: @beccaaftersix | Characteristic: Listens to Kanye West

Look at those crazy eyes. You just know Emily has great court vision and would be excellent at the drive and dish. Since her owner is Rebecca, you also know she is constantly jamming to a Kanye West soul-sample playlist. Because of this, Emily's motto is "you ain't f---ing with my clique," and it's always good to have your point guard and team leader have a bit of an attitude streak while sticking up for her teammates.

SG: Comet


STATS | Owner: @therealclace | Characteristic: Loves peanut butter

What we all loved about Monta Ellis this season is that he played to his strengths. Instead of taking inefficient long jump shots that he wasn't very good at to start with, Ellis used his great speed and quickness to attack the rim over and over again. That's why I have Comet as the starting 2-guard -- he plays to his strengths. He isn't just content with having peanut butter-colored fur, he also loves to eat it. That's pretty dope.

SF: Kitten


STATS | Owner: @LJRotter | Characteristic: A total spaz

It's always good to have an energy guy at the starting 3-spot. I see Kitten as a versatile defender who will get up and down the floor for easy transition buckets -- think of Corey Brewer. (This is kind of a weird-looking dog, but who am I to judge?)

PF and C: Lizzie (brown) and Mosby (black)


STATS | Owner: @BRogers789 | Characteristics: Lizzie pretends she's more ferocious than she is, Mosby is overly friendly and loves food

You might think a chihuahua is too small to play down low, but that's what they said about DeJuan Blair, too. Lizzie's ferociousness makes up for her size and she just manhandles the rest of the league. As for Mosby, what starting NBA center didn't love food?

BENCH: Bruiser


STATS | Owner: @mertybird11 | Characteristic: Affectionate

Always good to have a Bruiser on the bench as a rebounding specialist.



STATS | Owner: @CassieNR | Characteristic: Laziness

Bert is a project, but if anyone can turn him around, it's Rick Carlisle. You can see the raw talent as he goes coast to coast in just a few dribbles, but unless he can develop a work ethic and whip himself into shape, he may just be yet another wasted talent. C'mon Bert, we're all pulling for you.



STATS | Owner: @KirkSeriousFace | Characteristic: Puppy

Another young talent. I'm telling you, the dog Mavericks have a bright future ahead of them. I personally think Huck could be an excellent shot blocker if he put his mind to it, and he's already showing signs of a post game.

BENCH: Crash


STATS | Owner: @AirThatMFerOut | Characteristic: Fetches like a beast, especially in water

As you can see, Crash is currently out with an injury but an invaluable member of the squad when healthy. Fetching is an undervalued skill in today's NBA, real talk.

Sorry that not everyone's dog got in. We will do more rosters at a later date.