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I never dreamed that I would be able to apply my years of watching America's Next Top Model to anything involving basketball. And then LeBron James decided to add a fashion show featuring NBA players to this year's All-Star Weekend and my dreams came true.
In case you didn't watch, a little info about the format and participants -
There were 8 contestants: Jeff Teague, J.R. Smith, Chandler Parsons, DeMarcus Cousins, Klay Thompson, Zach LaVine and James Harden. The judges were Kenny Smith, Charles Barkley, GQ style editor Will Welch, designer John Elliot and WNBA player Elena Delle Donne. Shaquille O'Neal was the emcee.
But who cares, let's take a look at how our boy Chandler Parsons performed. The first round was business casual:
COMING OUT TO UPTOWN FUNK? IT'S OVER. PARSONS WINS.
— Mavs Moneyball (@mavsmoneyball) February 14, 2015
groupie non disclsure agreements RT @SBNationGIF: What does Chandler Parsons have in his briefcase. pic.twitter.com/R6Wq08dwta
— netw3rk (@netw3rk) February 14, 2015
Somehow the judges weren't quite as impressed:
42 points for Chandler Parsons. LeBron and Kevin Hart both said it's low. CONTROVERSY.
— Mavs Moneyball (@mavsmoneyball) February 14, 2015
By the way, Parsons' 42 points at this Fashion thing is only eight more than his career high in an NBA game. Whatever that means.
— Mavs Moneyball (@mavsmoneyball) February 14, 2015
(See, this isn't JUST about fashion.)
But we were worried, because there was some pretty stiff competition in the form of J.R. Smith.
Look there, Chris. What do you see? Moors. Hills. No. You see the North. And the North is mine. pic.twitter.com/dFzM65Qo76
— netw3rk (@netw3rk) February 15, 2015
We waited for the results with bated breath. I think I speak for everyone here:
@mavsmoneyball his walk is not great but daaaaamn
— Kelly Ketchersid (@kellyktweets) February 14, 2015
But really, everyone was getting anxious about the results.
even @Drake thinks @ChandlerParsons got jobbed pic.twitter.com/ZY520eagQ6
— Mavs Moneyball (@mavsmoneyball) February 15, 2015
So we turned our attention to the judges:
How the hell does this man get to talk about fashion? Slovenly professor look. @NBAonTNT pic.twitter.com/oLsIiuBWMN
— Kirk (@KirkSeriousFace) February 15, 2015
But Parsons did advance and everyone was really hype about it.
Chandler Parson in the top 4!!!! @dallasmavs #MavsNation #MFFL
— DMD Lauren (@DMD_Lauren) February 15, 2015
Round two was dressing for a night out and Chandler KILLED IT.
MOVING ON TO THE FINALS. pic.twitter.com/Uv6qFnasYt
— Mavs Moneyball (@mavsmoneyball) February 15, 2015
And before we knew it, it was time for the final round -- Chandler and J.R. Smith showed off their "dress for the game" ensembles. By this time they both seemed pretty comfortable on the catwalk and sauntered on down it like pros.
Was this fashion show a window to the future?
NBA finals preview right here https://t.co/C7eIbMLnM3
— Kirk (@KirkSeriousFace) February 15, 2015
Because this really felt like foreshadowing.
Sad parsons trails back up dancer. https://t.co/Pj4FRBY4Hr
— Kirk (@KirkSeriousFace) February 15, 2015
In the end, sad Chandler Parsons was reality.
J.R. takes the crown, which is a real shame. Parsons got robbed.
— Mavs Moneyball (@mavsmoneyball) February 15, 2015
Yes, J.R. Smith won. Chandler Parsons still has his most handsome NBA player award, but it's small comfort compared to the pain coming in second in the most awkward fashion show I've ever seen. Maybe this loss will light a fire in Parsons and he'll come back after the All-Star break ready to channel that rage into the best basketball he's ever played.
Nah, who are we kidding. He was the real MVP, I'm sure he's doing just fine.
JR Smith wins the battle, but Parsons got every single model's number. He won the war.
— Kirk (@KirkSeriousFace) February 15, 2015