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NBA Live turned Dirk Nowitzki into Nicolas Cage, among other rendering disasters

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THESE. ARE. SO. BAD.

I've tried to be nice to NBA Live. I put many hours into the 2005 version of that game for GameCube, to be fair. But these days, it has been lapped completely by NBA 2K. This is why.

Dirk Nowitzki

Dirk has always been hard for video game designers to render -- I guess because of his hair? -- but seriously, come on.

Chandler Parsons

Compared to the others, this is basically a life-sized replica.

J.J. Barea

Mix Barea with a hobbit and Gandalf the Grey and this is remarkably accurate.

Raymond Felton

Oh, Jesus. This made the jokes too easy.

With that in mind, I tried to at least fix the rendering weight.

Dwight Powell

... like ... well ... uh ... guys ...

I think so.

Full ratings

Jump to 4:43 to start the Mavericks.

The ratings are surprisingly normal given the renderings. Maybe ranking Wes Matthews and Deron Williams the same is a bit off and Sam Dalembert beating out Zaza Pachulia seems slightly strange, but whatever.

But the player pictures ... I think I'm still in shock.