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Mavs suffer worst loss of the season to Cavs, 128-90

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Happy Thanksgiving?

NBA: Dallas Mavericks at Cleveland Cavaliers Ken Blaze-USA TODAY Sports

It’s bad. It’s real bad you guys. I don’t know what else to say. I don’t think my snarky humor is going to save us this time. The Cavs are an NBA basketball team. Your Mavs are not. I’m very sorry about that, but I have to write about Dallas nonetheless.

Holy god this was bad.

Dirk is pretty good at basketball, I guess. Hey ummm .... I’m just curious. There is this thing. At this point I’m not actually sure what that thing is. I watch a lot of league pass, so I see a lot of basketball. And there’s a thing that other teams do. I think it’s called deee defense? Defense? Is that right?

I think some basketball teams, like, try to stop the other team? Right??

I’m not crazy, that’s a thing NBA teams do? And also Kentucky? Could the Mavs beat Kentucky?

Hey this was bad.

Oh sorry, did I say that earlier? Well sorry MFFLs, I don’t know what to tell you.

I started listening to She & Him holiday music midway through the 3rd. I hope that I wasn’t the only one.

For those of you who did nothing but continue watching this H.P. Lovecrafitan horror show, god, I am sooo sorry. Are you okay? I hope you are.

Hey so Markelle Fultz is good, right?

You guys remember Richard Jefferson?

We’ll always remember when R Jeff kicked Rondo in the face. Good times, amirght? Well he had a pretty decent game tonight for Cleveland. 5 points is good, right?

Oh hey, Wes hit a three. Now it’s 93-53 Cavs. Woooo, comeback city. Right??

This is the worst game of the season so far.

I’m really sorry that I’m still writing this, and that you all are still watching this. Gold medals for everyone still around for the fourth quarter of this game rather than gorging yourself on leftovers.

Stockholm syndrome is setting in now. Are we for the yellow team or the blue team? What are points? Do you get them by jumping around without putting that orange sphere in the orange ring?

I’m so confused at this point.

I’ve got 354 words right now, and I feel like I’m out of snark. I so very much apologize. Please eat turkey and curse my name while doing so.

Hey what if J.R. Smith was a Mav?

That would be fun, right? Cuban wouldn’t ever require him to wear a shirt, much to Rick Carlisle’s chagrin. We probably wouldn’t be down by... hold on I’m doing stupid math right now... 44 points??? right now. That would be cool, right? Let’s live in that universe with Donnie Darko and Eleven. We’re all happy right now, yes?

Pelicans are next.

We might win. Maybe. But don’t get your hopes up. Who knows whether anyone will be healthy? I don’t. Nothing is certain in the NBA. Other than that the Mavs will be bad. Like, real bad, cowboy.

If anyone is looking to the future, Markelle Fultz will be in town next Wednesday against TCU.

Baby it’s cold outside.

Okay, so not really. But there’s better basketball going on. Right now the Knicks are up on the Hornets, with 30 seconds left. The Pistons are kicking Clippers ass. Canada is beating up on Jason Kidd. There is a lot of fun basketball. Please stop watching the Mavericks, and enjoy life. I’m so sorry you’re here with me. It’s bad. Let’s all cuddle together against the cold of bad basketball, until the draft. I love all of you. Basketball will be fun again, eventually, I promise.

Until then, rest quietly sweet MFFLs.