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5 Mavericks trades that aren't ever going to happen

In honor of it being trade deadline day, here's some legal trades that won't happen because we're really just joking about them.

The NBA trade deadline is nearly here, but it's not too late for the Mavericks to make a few killer trades that will really set this up for success for the remainder of this season. In fact, a couple of these (number two!) would make them immediate title contenders and basically set up a Dallas dynasty for the next millennium.

Using the fantastic tool that is ESPN's NBA trade machine, which allows you to simulate legal trades using the NBA's myriad rules that are laid out in the CBA to govern such deals, we came up with five swaps involving the Mavericks and other teams. As for me, at least, I can safely say I'm very excited for the Mavericks to make all five of these trades happen prior to today's 2 p.m. deadline. WHAT COULD GO WRONG?

Trade 1: Simple math says 2 > 1

More is better, so two point guards in exchange for one point guard is a deal the Golden State Warriors can't possibly pass up. Right? C'mon, right?

Trade 2: Bringing the gang back together

I seem to remember the Mavericks losing last year or something, but surely it couldn't have been that bad. Wanna give it another shot?

Trade 3: Finding the next Dirk

The sad reality is that Dirk Nowitzki's career is coming to a close and he just doesn't have many NBA years left in him -- maybe even less than 10 more seasons! Thus, it's time for the Mavericks to get serious about finding a replacement.

A separate deal for Mirza Teletovic was made. Kristaps Porzingis will ascend directly to heaven at the conclusion of his rookie season, so he was left off. Andrea Bargnani was promptly dispatched straight to an unidentified dumpster smelling vaguely of vodka.

Trade 4: The coulda, shoulda, woulda deal

Last summer, I created an All-decade Mavericks draft snubs team, which featured a starting lineup of Butler, Green, Gibson, Schroder and Giannis Antetokounmpo. The Greek Freak couldn't be with us today, but the other four were kind enough to join Dallas for a reunion tour. I didn't actually have to trade a player back to Atlanta to make this deal work, but being a kind, generous sweetheart that I am, John Jenkins will return to the Hawks for a reunion.

Trade 5: WTF

I deserved that harsh scolding. Thank you, ESPN Trade Machine, for talking some sense into me.