If you’re an American, chances are you’re spending at least some part of today eating too much, hanging out with friends or family you may or may not like, and potentially watching some football. And with no basketball on today, it’s time to take things to a weird place.
Which Thanksgiving food option would you compare a current Mavericks player to and why?
Jordan: You mean how Dorian Finney-Smith is always stuffing the stat sheet. Or how Salah Mejri is dressing for every game but doesn’t play. Nah, we keep saying it, and I’ll say it again, the Mavs season is mash potatoes this year. They can win a lot or lose a lot and it doesn’t matter. They have Luka Doncic, so it’s all gravy.
Kirk: Speaking of gravy, that’s J.J. Barea. Gravy is one of those aspects of Thanksgiving I’ve found to be alarmingly divisive. My wife’s family looked at me like I was crazy at my first Thanksgiving with them when they didnt have any and I asked why; “It’s not needed” they said. And like the Barea detractors, my wife’s family was utterly and totally wrong and have been proven so time and again. Good gravy is hard to make properly (at least for me) and when it comes together, it’s magnificent.
Barea might not be needed but that doesn’t mean he’s unimportant. J.J. Barea’s the part of the Maverick meal that makes everything come together at important points in the game.
Doyle: I’ll take this in a slightly different direction. Harrison Barnes is food bank that provides free meals to the homeless and less privileged. His work in the community has been considerable since joining the Mavericks just over two seasons ago. His outreach has connected youth with police officers in a positive setting at his annual basketball camp and this Thanksgiving he donated, along with partners Kroger and CitySquare, 170 meals to the residents of the Belleview Apartments, which provide affordable housing for families, in South Dallas.
Kirk: Really brown nosing aren’t you. Barnes is a great human though so I get it. But what else do we have?
Brice: Luka Doncic is the Thanksgiving rolls. Every thanksgiving food is unstable in that it can either be really good or really bad depending on how it’s prepared. Thanksgiving rolls are always good, extremely consistent, and even the kids who are picky eaters love them. Luka is also rolls because he gets this bread.
Sam: There is one Mavericks that is the cranberry sauce of the Thanksgiving spread. Cranberry sauce looks delicious. And the idea of it seems great. Dab a little sweet, tasty cranberry sauce on the savory, flavorful turkey. Yum. Except that’s not how it works. The sauce is deceiving, and why do you actually need to add that to a delicious, mouth-watering turkey that can stand on it’s own anyways? The cranberry sauce is all show and no substance.
Remind you of anyone in particular? DeAndre Jordan is cranberry sauce. In theory he was a great idea. His rim rolling and rebounding were enticing. He looked like the perfect finish to the Mavericks offense. The problem is, Jordan is all show and no substance like the cranberry sauce. Sometimes he looks like the sweet finish to a perfect meal, but a lot of times, he’s just unnecessary calories that you regret when you’re lying in bed wide awake.
Kirk: This means that Wesley Matthews is the turkey. When it’s bad, everyone talks about how it’s “fine” even if it’s too dry or dribbles and falls down. But when it’s good, it’s a game changer.
Dirk is mashed potatoes, the perfect food. What? Don’t judge me. I could eat 5 pounds of mashed potatoes.
Harrison Barnes is clearly mac n’ cheese. You family doesn’t have mac n’ cheese at Thanksgiving? Try it! It gets the job done and only disappoints if it doesn’t get to the free throw line... uhhh... if the noodles are overdone.
Dorian Finney-Smith is green bean casserole. I didn’t care for it when I was younger but now I’ve seen the error in my ways.
Dennis Smith is the sweet potatoes. People who don’t like them are wrong and I feel bad for them because they are sweet and filling and an extremely important part of the meal.
Now go forth and eat and tell us where we are wrong.