The sky is falling and the shots are not

(Editor’s note: this is a fan site. Sometimes we fans get upset. Kevin is upset. Read a little and see why. It’s not just the Mavericks. But it is most the the Mavericks.)

Hey, what’s up pals? It’s me, your friend, Kevin. You may know me (actually I’m sure you don’t, I write once a quarter) as one of the optimists from noted extremely-negative Mavericks blog, Mavs Moneyball.

I woke up today — optimist that I am — feeling great. Then at noon I got a haircut. A haircut so incredibly bad that I left the salon, got in my car, and drove straight to another salon. The lady at salon number 2, a middle-aged angel with purple braids and spiderweb tattoos on her hands, did her absolute best to fix the disaster that was my haircut. She was literally muttering under her breath “oh my goodness” and “she should be ashamed of herself” as she chopped and buzzed away. So now I, a 32-year old lawyer with a mortgage and a sensible sedan, have basically a Macklemore cut. And it is such an upgrade over the especially heinous, vicious felony that had previously been atop my head that I am happy to be Wacklemore.

I SAY ALL OF THIS JUST TO SAY: This Mavericks team is worse than all of that.

This team stinks.

This team is like when you stub your toe really hard and a bunch of people are around so you have to act fine.

This team is like drafting Anthony Bennett number 1 overall.

This team is Season 8 of Game of Thrones.

This team is two years away from being two years away (from Luka leaving).

This team is the IBS hittin’ on a first date.

This team is New England Patriots quarterback Cam Newton.

This team is like when your lips get really chapped and you’ve lost all 20 of your lil tubes of ChapStick.

This team is an extremely talented 7/11 cashier, a 12-foot Home Depot skeleton who plays like a shooting guard, 7 dudes who can’t shoot, and Jalen Brunson. The vibes, baby. The vibes are something.

Will they figure it out? Hell, maybe. And honestly it might not matter. Go .500 from here on out and get the fifth seed, that’s cool and totally not an extremely frustrating nightmare.

We are toiling away in sweaty mediocrity with a generational superstar on our roster!

I KNOW this Brooklyn game is obviously an extremely small sample size, but Reggie Bullock and Tim Hardaway (WHO ARE BOTH ‘SHOOTERS’ IF YOU’LL RECALL) played 56 minutes and combined to go 0-of-13 from three, which just…cannot happen? It just can’t.

The team was NINE of FORTY SIX from three tonight. “Oh well they’ll definitely revert to the mean at some point”. Sure, but also maybe they won’t??? We’re more than a quarter into the season y’all. And not only is this team NOT GOOD, they are also NOT FUN. Has anybody gotten really excited to watch a Mavericks game in the past couple of weeks? Show yourselves, liars and weirdos. Does this mean you should stop watching? No. Does this mean the team here at MMB are going to stop watching? *stage whispers* Of course not, we’re siiiiickos. But, man, something has got to give. Fingers crossed that things will change sooner rather than later.