Well, it’s been one hell of a week to be a Dallas Mavericks fan. There was some news. Then some more news. And after that, there was some news.
But for me personally, it’s been even crazier, because I have been officially contacted by Mike Forde’s Sportsology. They want to talk to me about the possibility of being the next President of Basketball Operations for the Mavericks.
Now, all of you know and love me, but you may be asking “Clint, how are you qualified to run an NBA franchise?” It’s a fair question, and one that I’m more than happy to answer:
- In 5th grade at field day, I finished first and won a blue ribbon for free throw shooting at Fellowship Elementary School in Joaquin, Texas, which establishes my on-court bona-fides.
- In 2014, I helped coach a 5 year old’s soccer team to an undefeated record. Full disclosure: they didn’t keep score, so there was no winner in any game, but technically our team was undefeated.
- I have successfully managed as many as 9 fantasy football teams in a single season, which showcases my ability to multi-task. (Editor’s note: NINE? Clint this is a call for help)
- Right here on Mavs Moneyball, I developed a strategy for the Mavericks to win a title immediately, simply by turning off the “trade logic” feature.
- I’m not afraid to ask the hard and important questions. Like this:
It will always be weird to me that when an NBA player hurts their ankle they have to walk a mile to the locker room to get treatment. Can't we get them a little cart or something?— Clint Carroll (@Toadlift) February 23, 2021
- I don’t just ask the questions though. I find answers:
Hello @dallasmavs I would like to offer my services to provide injured players piggyback rides to the locker room. https://t.co/HDIYiQuBBi— Brandon Davidson Comedy (@brandondavidson) February 23, 2021
- I was raised as a fan of the Dallas Cowboys, so I’m accustomed to fruitlessly hoping that a billionaire will somehow put the success of his franchise ahead of his own infinite ego, being disappointed, and yet continuing to be loyal to the team against my own self-interest.
- Lastly, and this is probably most important based on what Mark Cuban is looking for in a candidate, I am completely ready to be a yes-man. I will absolutely go along with anything he wants with no push back whatsoever. He wants his gambler buddy to dictate rotations to a coach who is renowned throughout the league for his technical prowess? Sure, why not? He wants his plumber to be in charge of team nutrition? Not a problem. He wants a bartender who served him a particularly good martini to choose the spouse of each player using a system that’s based on which species of bird he sees in his backyard at 10am every morning? Great idea boss, I should of thought of that, you’re so smart. Just give me the money and I’ll stay out of the way, Mr. Cuban sir.
For these reasons I think I would make a great President of Basketball Operations, and I look forward to serving my beloved Dallas Mavericks in the future.