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Exclusive phone interview with #NBATwitter about the Mavericks’ playoff chances

We try to discuss a number of topics with the notoriously opinionated App

NBA fans discussing the finer points of NBA fandom

With a memorable All-Star Weekend behind us, it’s time to look ahead to the final stretch of games and then to what will hopefully be a long playoff run for the Dallas Mavericks. Monday night, I was somehow able to reach all #NBATwitter by phone to see how they felt about the Mavs’ postseason chances.

Here is the transcript of that interview:

Matt: Hello, NBATwitter! Matt from Mavs Moneyball here. Thank you so much for hopping on the phone to talk to me.

NBATwitter: Ratio.

Matt: Wh- Uh... What?

NBATwitter: Announce Harden to the Spurs.

Matt: Harden to the Spurs? Look, NBATwitter, I was really hoping I could get your take on the Mavs’ chances to advance past the first round of the playoffs this year.

NBATwitter: Call me when they get past the first round of the playoffs.

Matt: (Pause.) Right. I was hoping to get your analysis on the Mavericks-

NBATwitter: Trash team.

Matt: OK. WHY do you think the Mavs are a trash team?

NBATwitter: Casual.

Matt: I’m a casual? Or they’re too casual?

NBATwitter: Announce Harden to the Sonics.

Matt: The Sonics?

NBATwitter: Luka fat.

Matt: Oh! OK! Good! That’s on topic. So, you think the Mavs are a “trash team” because you still think Luka is fat?

NBATwitter: Hooka Luka.

Matt: He’s actually in great shape and averaging 29.3 points 10.3 rebounds 9.4 Assists per game since January 1st.

NBATwitter: Call me when he does that in the playoffs.

Matt: His playoff numbers are actually better on better efficiency.

NBATwitter: Trae better.

Matt: (I light up a cigarette.) OK, look-

NBATwitter:

Matt: Dude. C’mon. I’m just trying to interview you.

NBATwitter: Marc Stein better.

Matt: Better than me? Well, yeah, but-

NBATwitter: Ratio.

Matt: Please, stop verbally Ratio-ing me. And you can’t just say Trae is better than Luka and leave that as some kind of valid argument without backing it up.

NBATwitter: Where did I say I that?

Matt: Just a second ago-

NBATwitter: Can you even read?

Matt: We’re speaking on the phone.

NBATwitter: Tell me you don’t watch basketball without telling me you don’t watch basketball.

Matt: Why is this an argument?! And why do I feel like I’m losing it?

NBATwitter: Announce Harden to the Sixers.

Matt: Oh! He did go to the Sixers!

NBATwitter:

No one:
Absoultely no one:
You: He did go to the Sixers!


Matt: OK. I think I’m just gonna let you go.

NBATwitter:

Matt: How is that bait?

NBATwitter:

Matt: OK... I don’t know what you mean in this context but there is something I like about that...

NBATwitter: Who has more rings. Luka or Trae? I’ll wait.

Matt: Neither.

NBATwitter: I said, I’ll wait.

Matt: You don’t have to wait. The answer is Neither.

NBATwitter: #carrythehellon

(At this point, five minutes after I should have hung up on NBATwitter, NBATwitter hangs up on me.)

Matt: Hello? Hello? Well, I guess, #talksoon.