With a memorable All-Star Weekend behind us, it’s time to look ahead to the final stretch of games and then to what will hopefully be a long playoff run for the Dallas Mavericks. Monday night, I was somehow able to reach all #NBATwitter by phone to see how they felt about the Mavs’ postseason chances.
Here is the transcript of that interview:
Matt: Hello, NBATwitter! Matt from Mavs Moneyball here. Thank you so much for hopping on the phone to talk to me.
Matt: Wh- Uh... What?
NBATwitter: Announce Harden to the Spurs.
Matt: Harden to the Spurs? Look, NBATwitter, I was really hoping I could get your take on the Mavs’ chances to advance past the first round of the playoffs this year.
NBATwitter: Call me when they get past the first round of the playoffs.
Matt: (Pause.) Right. I was hoping to get your analysis on the Mavericks-
NBATwitter: Trash team.
Matt: OK. WHY do you think the Mavs are a trash team?
Matt: I’m a casual? Or they’re too casual?
NBATwitter: Announce Harden to the Sonics.
Matt: The Sonics?
NBATwitter: Luka fat.
Matt: Oh! OK! Good! That’s on topic. So, you think the Mavs are a “trash team” because you still think Luka is fat?
NBATwitter: Hooka Luka.
Matt: He’s actually in great shape and averaging 29.3 points 10.3 rebounds 9.4 Assists per game since January 1st.
NBATwitter: Call me when he does that in the playoffs.
Matt: His playoff numbers are actually better on better efficiency.
NBATwitter: Trae better.
Matt: (I light up a cigarette.) OK, look-
Matt: Dude. C’mon. I’m just trying to interview you.
NBATwitter: Marc Stein better.
Matt: Better than me? Well, yeah, but-
Matt: Please, stop verbally Ratio-ing me. And you can’t just say Trae is better than Luka and leave that as some kind of valid argument without backing it up.
NBATwitter: Where did I say I that?
Matt: Just a second ago-
NBATwitter: Can you even read?
Matt: We’re speaking on the phone.
NBATwitter: Tell me you don’t watch basketball without telling me you don’t watch basketball.
Matt: Why is this an argument?! And why do I feel like I’m losing it?
NBATwitter: Announce Harden to the Sixers.
Matt: Oh! He did go to the Sixers!
Absoultely no one:
You: He did go to the Sixers!
Matt: OK. I think I’m just gonna let you go.
Matt: How is that bait?
Matt: OK... I don’t know what you mean in this context but there is something I like about that...
NBATwitter: Who has more rings. Luka or Trae? I’ll wait.
NBATwitter: I said, I’ll wait.
Matt: You don’t have to wait. The answer is Neither.
(At this point, five minutes after I should have hung up on NBATwitter, NBATwitter hangs up on me.)
Matt: Hello? Hello? Well, I guess, #talksoon.