The internet is obsessed with the new movie “Prey” that hit Hulu on Friday. I’ll be watching that soon, but first I had to prepare by watching the original movie in the series, “Predator.”
It’s a wild movie with lots to like and some stuff to really hate, but there are five outstanding quotes that deserve to be pulled into as many NBA games as possible. The vehicle to drive those quotes? Luka Doncic. We all know he likes trash talk.
Here are the 5 quotes and the corresponding scenarios for which they should be used.
5. “Stick around.”
Scenario: Right after Luka breaks some ankles
In “Predator,” Arnold Schwarzenegger says this after throwing a large knife into someone’s torso, pinning him up against a wall. It’s quite the scene and quite the line. The wry smile that Schwarzenegger delivers this line with makes it hit even harder and funnier.
This one should be easy for Luka to deliver in multiple games. Picture him hitting someone with a series of nasty crossovers, making them fall over, and then scoring. On his way back down the court, he runs by the player before they can get off the ground and Luka smirks and says, “stick around.”
4. “What’s the matter? The CIA got you pushing too many pencils?”
Scenario: After Luka out-muscles someone
There are two ways Luka could make this one work, and both are glorious. First, I’d love for him to say this after a big man tries to post him up on a switch. Assuming Luka holds his ground and forces the offensive player to pass the ball out and reset the offense, Doncic looks him in the eyes and delivers the line. It would be demoralizing.
The second way is even better and probably more realistic. Let’s say someone like Mikal Bridges is guarding Luka. He’s a great defender — someone who holds a lot of respect in the league — but he’s not nearly strong enough to hold up Luka. So, Luka drops his shoulder a couple of times, maybe even elevates for a dunk, and then shouts this in the defender’s face after overpowering him for an and-one.
3. “Get to the chopper!”
Scenario: After Luka hits a game-winning shot
We have to use some imagination here and get a little creative because NBA teams don’t take helicopters to and from games, but it would’ve been criminal to leave this quote on the sidelines.
We could use some lengthy setup to make this one hit even harder. Maybe the Dallas Mavericks start letting a few guys rotate who gets to fly into the stadium on a helicopter? Then whenever Luka hits a game-winner, it feels more natural? I’m just spitballing here.
Regardless, as long as Luka yells this in true Schwarzenegger fashion so it sounds more like, “Get to the choppaaaa!” we won’t have any problems. The world will be riding high from Luka hitting a game-winning shot. The emotion will be palpable. And Luka will deliver a line that will live on forever, just in a new context.
It’s not perfect, but everyone would love it.
2. “I ain’t got time to bleed.”
Scenario: After Luka starts bleeding in a playoff game
Another easy one here. NBA players are humans that are competing in a physical competition, and when humans compete in physical competitions, they get hurt and sometimes bleed.
When this happens, the refs stop the game and have the training staff cover up the blood (for health and safety reasons). Whenever this happens to Luka in a playoff game, I need Luka to look the ref dead in the eyes and yell, “I ain’t got time to bleed!”
It makes no sense. It’s barbaric. It’s perfect.
1. “You’re one ugly motherf***er.”
Scenario: Next time Luka scores on Devin Booker
After all the Devin Booker-Luka Doncic stuff in the 2022 Western Conference Finals, I’m expecting this to be a rivalry that lasts forever.
So, instead of elevating our trash talk to creative levels, let’s just keep it simple. Next time Luka scores a bucket on Booker, I need him to just look at him and say, “You’re one ugly motherf***er,” in the exact same rhythm and tone that Schwarzenegger tells it to the alien predator when it takes off its mask and reveals its face.
Yeah, I’m petty.