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A very serious breakdown of Dirk's Celebrity Baseball Game

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Dirk will yet again be pulling an MJ and swinging the bat rather than shooting the ball. Here's a quick look at the host of (non-Monta) celebrities who will be playing with him.

In what is becoming quite a fun Dallas tradition, a number of local athletes, sports celebrities, and a few other notable persons will be donning the fashionable white and blue baseball uniforms of Dirk Nowitzki's Heroes Celebrity Baseball Game. Notably absent from either roster is the Mavs' 2014-2015 leading scorer Monta Ellis, who opted out of the final year of his contract  and isn't expected to return to Dallas. Fortunately for all you Pitch Perfect fans out there, this game still has plenty of star power, most notably Das Sound Machine front man and notable Youtube car-ride DJ Flula Borg.

Aca-awesome.

The game will be played at Frisco's Dr. Pepper Ballpark, and proceeds from the event will benefit the children's charities of the Dirk Nowitzki Foundation and the Heroes Foundation.  So what do the rosters look like?

The White Sox

Managers

  • Rick Carlisle, Dallas Mavericks Head Coach
  • Derek Holland, Texas Rangers pitcher and literal Dutch Oven
  • Michael Finley, former Mav and film producer
  • Donald Hooton
  • Mark Thompson

Roster

  • Dirk Nowitzki, documentary film star
  • Charles Barkley, former round mound and current Shaq antagonist
  • Dez Bryant, Dallas Mavericks free agent pitch man
  • Steve Nash, former NBA MVP
  • Devin Harris, Dallas Mavericks guard
  • Terrance Williams, Dallas Cowboys wide receiver
  • Flula Borg, notable Dirk fan and acapella film star
  • Marc Stein, basketball twitter rumor meistro
  • Nick Van Exel, former Mav and Texas Legends assistant coach
  • Kevin Mench, former Texas Ranger
  • Jeff "Skin" Wade, co-host of The Ben & Skin Show and beard enthusiast
  • Danny Bollinger, Mavs photographer
  • John Barrington, medical doctor
  • Jody Dean, local radio personality

Pitchers

  • Mike Bascik
  • CJ Blue
  • Cameron Brewer
  • Richard Zastoupil

Overview

So this team seems pretty stacked. I mean, you've got two NBA MVPs, and the Dutch Oven himself is helping out with managerial duties. Meanwhile, Dez can probably catch some balls, and also Rick Carlisle is involved. And I haven't even mentioned Flula, who probably knows very little about baseball, but probably could get you in touch with Anna Kendrick if you ask nicely.

But back to the baseball, all I ask is that Devin doesn't hurt himself. Mavs are pretty thin at point guard right now, and we all love Devin. So know fancy diving catches, yeah?

And who else is excited to see Skin in some tight baseball pants?

The Blue Sox

Managers

  • Tyson Chandler, Dallas Mavericks center and Dallas fashion icon
  • Donnie Nelson, Giannis Antetokounmpo enthusiast
  • Charlie McKinney
  • Brian Nadurak
  • John Trabold

Roster:

  • Charlie Villanueva, resident heat check shooter
  • Dan Bailey, Dallas Cowboys kicker (and haver of a good name)
  • Josh Henderson, actually in a show called Dallas
  • Cole Beasley, Dallas Cowboys wide receiver
  • Geoff Stults, actor and former finder of things
  • Tyron Smith, Dallas Cowboys tackle and literal giant
  • Michael Young, former face of the Texas Rangers
  • Ronald Leary, Dallas Cowboys tackle/guard
  • Ben Rogers, co-host of the Ben & Skin Show
  • Lance Dunbar, Dallas Cowboys running back
  • Ryan Cabrera, 2000s pop singer
  • Kyle Wilber, Dallas Cowboys linebacker
  • Jamie Newberg, local sportswriter
  • Ben Grieve, former MLB outfielder
  • Edward Egros, local sports anchor
  • Chris Martin, New York Yankees pitcher (not affiliated with Coldplay)
  • Dale Burleson, medical doctor
  • Klint Guerry, local car dealer
  • Drew Holder

Pitchers:

  • Crayton Bare
  • Jeremy Brewer
  • Alex Fink
  • Ben McElroy

Overview

Is anyone else a little worried that Tyson is a manager, not a player? At least he didn't bail on the game like Monta. But seriously, I hope that isn't a sign he is hurt or anything. Donnie is managing, so hopefully his baseball knowledge is as good as his Greek basketball prospect knowledge. While the White Sox are a star-studded group, the Blue Sox have more actual athletes it would seem. So don't count them out just because Chuck says they're terrible. Also, Michael Young probably knows some stuff about baseball.

Personally, I'm betting Charlie V is the MVP of this game. I have no idea if he's ever played baseball, but I'm going with my gut here.

Conclusion


I don't know, probably there will be some baseball played. No guarantees though. What I do know is that Dirk will be there, and he is awesome. So you should come check it out. It's for a good cause, after all.

I'll just leave you with this: